Celebrating the small victories

Since my PTSD made itself known in my life in late November, I have struggled very much with focus, at work in particular. I am a chemist and trying to work at my normal level became an extreme struggle for me. As my PTSD worsened, I was missing more and more work. For weeks now I have been trying so hard to get myself back on task. My employer’s patience will only go so far, I am a contract worker. Thankfully this week I had my most productive week I have had in a while by far. I only got into work for 20 hours, but that’s a huge jump from my measly 13.5 hours last week (ouch, I know). And I was actually PRODUCTIVE. Noticeably getting work done. I put in 7 hours today for the first time since before Christmas. I was averaging 0-4hrs/day for a few weeks there and it was really starting to wear me down. I am so thrilled that I have been able to get myself actually back in the lab and getting some stuff done and at a NORMAL pace, even! The fog that has been plaguing my mind seems to be clearing out slowly but surely. I am ecstatic to be seeing positive results. I have been more present. My humor is slowly coming back into play. I find myself reaching out to my friends and family more simply just to chat or share a funny meme instead of the usual desperate pleas of help from this mental and physical pain. I hope and pray that this trend continues. I want my life back. Well, as much back as possible of course (pardon my grammar).

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