Feelings of Gratitude

I have to take a moment to express the tremendous amount of gratitude that I feel in my heart right now. As I continue to have a positive upswing, I am able to really express how much I appreciate the support in my life and it matters very deeply to me that acknowledge how beautiful my life is, even if I am still fighting a hard fight.

First, my support system. I have been struggling so heavily for months on end now and support has not wavered and everyone is doing what they can to help encourage me and prop me up when I am feeling too low to carry myself any further. My family supports me in such tremendous, kind, loving ways and it can honestly be overwhelming to receive that amount of love. It is hard to feel worthy of this level of effort from others, especially those that I hold in high regard like my family. I find strength in what I have seen this family do over my lifetime.

My friends have lifted my spirits in so many wonderful and unique ways, doing what they can to be there for me and show support to the best of their abilities. I also have compassionate, supportive, and kind bosses at my job. They cheer me on and genuinely care if I am doing okay or not and they do the best that they can to make sure work is not a source of added stress in my life. And I’m just a contract employee! I am so grateful and feel so blessed to have that.

I still have my passion, my ambition, and finally I am getting my cognitive abilities back, too. My life is full of opportunity and I’m genuinely excited to see where it takes me. I feel that Matt heavily influenced my foundation since we essentially “grew up” together because I was only 16 when we met. And he helped mold me into a responsible adult, but also able to take the time to play and enjoy the moment and not get caught up in all of the stress that can exist in life. He was such a huge support for me getting through college. And it feels amazing to be able to gain some energy to honor him and his never ending support for me and my goals in life. He was always my biggest cheerleader (although he did have some tough competition 😉) and I so badly want to succeed and honor him and his life.

I am grateful that my family made it possible for me to move to Minnesota and start this new life. It has been an extremely tumultuous road and they have continued to be patient and understanding when I struggle despite putting them through a lot due to my grief process thus far. I put a lot of stress on them and I feel so guilty over that, they deserved better from me. But they continue to love and support me despite some of my shitty behavior and they cheer me on as I continue to push myself to actually get a handle on my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve this amount of love and support, but I am forever grateful.

My life is full of promise and opportunity only because of the support I have received from everyone. This challenging road would have become a (figurative) dead end for me without all of this help. I have a better chance at bouncing back from this horrible tragedy that happened because of this help I have received.

Thank you to anyone and everyone who has supported me so far in any capacity during this crazy grief rollercoaster ride. I have a long ways to go, but I know I can do it, especially when I have the best support group a person could ask for.

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