Sometimes You Have to Laugh at Yourself

So I’m going to show you guys the “funnier” side of what anxiety/fear looks like. I am going to tell you the tale of what I am going to call The Wasp-acolypse.

Yesterday, I was sitting at home minding my own damn business and suddenly I see there is a wasp in my window and it’s on the indoor side, not the outdoor side. For those of you who don’t know, I am terrified of any kind of bug that flies (yes, even butterflies), especially the kind that’s able to sting. I’m not allergic or anything, all that would happen is some minor pain. But that doesn’t stop my brain from going into a full blown meltdown. I grab my cat and run into my bathroom and lock myself in there.

I decide to call up my boyfriend and unleash my insanity on him. I’m totally frantic and asking him what I should do. He says to grab a book or something and smash it. But that requires you to actually get close to the bug and I cannot do that, it might get me. He finally tells me to grab some hairspray and get it with that. Okay, seems simple enough I can do that.

So I exit my bathroom and decide that I need to gear up to battle this wasp. I want to make it so that if it does attempt to sting me, it won’t get through. So I put on a massive sweatshirt that belonged to my beloved late husband who was a whopping 6’6″ tall. Throw on a pair of jeans over my existing pajama bottoms that I was in, and throw on a pair of heels because they’re the easiest shoes to throw on and in my mind I have to do this as fast as I possibly can for some reason. I have hairspray in one hand, and a shoe in the other. I’m ready to battle this wasp.

I get over to the window and I can’t even initially see the wasp. It finally makes itself visible and literally any time the stupid thing moves I freak out. I can’t even get myself calm or close enough to spray it with the hairspray! So I’m running around my apartment in a giant sweatshirt, two pairs of pants, heels, yelling all sorts of obscenities because of a wasp. I even cried at one point, over a wasp.

Eventually, the wasp somehow ends up getting itself stuck inside of my window. I don’t know how that works. I saw it crawl through a crack and I was thinking yes, this thing just took care of itself! But then I see that when it’s trying to fly away it’s running into another piece of glass! I have double paned windows apparently in my apartment. And this damn bug somehow got between these two panes. So, now what do I do? I called both my mother and my boyfriend, furious and upset with this entire situation. We eventually decide that I’m just going to shove a towel where it crawled into the window and my boyfriend will come over later and help me handle it.

Friends, even getting the towel in place was a challenge for me. I was shaking and any time the wasp would move inside those window panes I would recoil and want to run away. I did get the towel in and decide that it is safe to release my poor cat from the bathroom and move on with my day.

I cannot help but laugh at myself here. It’s really a shame that there was no one around to witness my ridiculousness in this situation. I am sure it would have been a hell of a show and I can only imagine what it sounded like to any of my neighbors. By the time my boyfriend was home the wasp was no where to be found. I have been bested by a wasp.

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