The Struggle to be Present

An issue that I have had for a long time (and seems to be getting worse instead of better) is that I struggle to be present. I dissociate pretty easily and I have a hard time pulling myself back into my body and reality. It’s like I leave the building mentally. The lights are on, […]

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I Stopped Looking In The Mirror

I realized today that it’s been an incredibly long time since I genuinely looked at myself in the mirror. I was never one to spend much time in front of a mirror, but I’ve reached pretty epic levels of mirror avoidance. I began to wonder to myself, why did I stop? The answer: Trauma. When […]

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A Year of Transformation

It’s that time of year where I start to look back and reflect on the previous months. It’s so hard to try and put 2020 into coherent words. This year has been particularly intense for myself and the rest of the world. The collective has gone through a trauma together: Covid. Covid has been an […]

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Depressive Episodes

I find myself in the midst of a pretty serious depressive episode. And I find this particular one to be more frustrating than the average depressive episode. This episode is hitting me when things are going well and I do not like that. I find depression easier to cope with, personally, when it’s happening during […]

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Emerging From the Dark

It has been a hot minute since I have written anything here. Or written anything at all, for that matter. I haven’t been able to put into words what I have been going through. I haven’t been able to open up about it, either. It’s one part writer’s block and two parts unwilling/unable to show […]

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Depression is a Thief

Something about depression that I don’t think gets discussed enough is how it steals time from you. That’s one of the ways that I can gauge if I’m in a depressive episode or not. When I look down and realize it’s the end of June when in my mind it’s still May, and I’m left […]

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What a Year

As we get closer to the end of the year, I cannot help but take a moment to step back and reflect. This is partially Facebook’s fault, by having that cute little feature of putting together a “video” of some of the things you’ve posted throughout the year. I was hesitant to even look at […]

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A Moment of Relfection

After having survived my second Thanksgiving without Matthew, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on my journey. The holiday season has proven to be useful in its ability to help me gauge the progress that I have made in my personal and professional life. This time last year, I was very freshly diagnosed […]

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A Look at Growth

I have reached a point in my journey where the amount of effort and work that I put into my healing is starting to show and it is starting to pay off. My growth has become glaringly obvious since I have started my new job. I want to take the time to show exactly where […]

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